Month 3
Dear Reagan,
This one really snuck up on me. I can't believe you've been with us for 3 months. Did I say that last month? I probably will say it every month. This is all still insane to me. That I'm a mommy, that Joe's a daddy, that you exist. We're slowing figuring this all out and settling into a routine...which you prompty change every 2.5 minutes.
You're more alert and interactive every day. Lately you've taken to grabbing things, your bib, the "leash" your pacifier hangs from, your Grandmother's hair, your ears. You also seem to be playing with your hair somethings, grasping at it with your fat little fingers. You're more easily occupied these days with toys and such, too. You'll bat at things, though still with little precision and questionable intent. Your smiles come quickly and often. I'm finally convinced you know who the heck your dad and I are.
Now that I've been back at work for a month I've learned how utterly impossible it is to work full time and be a mom. Pretty much it's a garantee that I will not be satisfied with the job I'm doing at either. It started out easy enough and has gotten progressively harder. Our evenings are spent in a blur of cleaning bottles, pumps, you, and the occaisional load of laundry. That's really what makes it so hard, the mad rushes in the AM and PM. You're staying with Joanne Halm during the days and I feel so good about that. She really loves you and she take you and her little Lola Belle for walks and plays games with you. You two hang out on the floor and grin at each other. I also like that you're getting exposure to their cats because I can't wait for you to get big enough to tell your Daddy that you want a kitten.
You really enjoy your baths, even though we've struggled a little to find a baby wash that doesn't give you a rash. I think we've found a good one, although the associated lotion doesn't agree with you. That's OK, it's wonderful and since you can't use it I don't feel bad about hogging it all. You poop in the baths with a fair amount of regularity still, and we've gotten really good and wisking you out the second we hear the tell-tall bubbles. You hate this quick departure and usually tell us about it loudly. In the bath you love looking at the bold colored letters and numbers "Aunt" Lisa got as decoration for the diaper cake she made for my Charlotte baby shower. You also kick, kick, kick your legs like there's no tomorrow. Maybe you'll be an olympic swimmer. You did watch a lot of Olympics this past month. I think your favorite was the hockey.
You cried your very first tear this month. It was patheticly sad. You're generally a very good baby, fussying only when you're tired or hungry. Sometimes you put up a little bit of a fight on the changing table, but really you love being there. It's one of your favorite places to smile and talk to us. Sometimes you still have an upset tummy. Luckily I think we've figured out the gassiness issues for the most part. I sure would like a milk shake, but the consequences are so immediate and so palpable, and so so sad to hear that it makes it easy to resist. You're eating like a little piggy, taking 6 ounce bottles every 3 hours or so.
You also rolled from your back to your belly for the first time. I was so thrilled that you did that in front of your daddy because I know it has been hard for him to be away from you as much as he has been. You rolled over for him once, and then another time when you were crying in bed you flipped yourself over and promptly fell asleep.
Your dad's travel schedule has been nutty. He traveled for 3 of the past 4 weeks. It's been tough on him, but he's taking it like a champ. I think he's thrilled that things have worked out at his job in such a way that he's able not only to provide for us, but to provide some really great opportunities for us. We're in the middle of making some really big decisions about next school year, and I'm thrilled that you and I might get to spend a lot more time together.
When I wrote your two month letter you had just slept through the night for the first time ever. You never did that again...until Saturday the 6th. You slept through the night that night, Sunday night, and Tuesday night. It may be a real trend this time. The funniest part is that Daddy and I had just been discussing your sleeping habits that night while Daddy was feeding you a bottle. It's like you heard us and decided to take things into your own hands.
Your tiny man hands. They are huge, baby. I'm sorry to say. Apparently your Aunt Susan has big hands too. There's no question that you're a Filanowicz. You look just like your dad to me. Especially when you first wake up in the morning and your hair is sticking in all directions just like his when he rolls out of bed.
It's been so fun watching you grin more, learn new sounds (you have G, A, K, and sometimes B, but you can't say Mama yet), interact with us, and start grabbing things more and more. We love you so much.
Love,
Mommy
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Open Letter - Month 2
Month 2
Dear Reagan,
I would have thought that after spending two months together nearly 24/7 this whole being a "mommy" thing would be less surreal. Turns out it's not. Perhaps now that I'm back at work and my life has returned to normal the massive difference that is having a child will become more of a reality.
These last two months have been like a little pause from life during which I've gotten to just focus on figuring out how to keep us both alive. You're starting to turn into a person sometimes. More often though you're still just a really loud puzzle I have to figure out. Are you hungry? In pain? Tired? Bored? It's that last question that really shows how much you've grown this past month. You actually play now; you love looking at yourself in the mirror. You smile and coo; you "talk" to everything, yourself, the owls over your swing, the fan, even me and Daddy sometimes. Every day it seems you "discover" a new noise. At first you seem surprised, and then you test it out a little before adding it to your repertoire. You bat at the sun hanging from the play mat GrandPam (or whatever we're calling her) got you. It was funny watching you begin to test the muscles in your face, making the goofiest faces as you learned how to control your muscles. Sometimes it seemed you were watching our faces and trying to imitate our expressions. The best time of day for you is the morning. After your 5-8am feeding and changing we hang out in the big bed for a while if we don't have anywhere to go. You smile and coo. It's even better when Daddy can hang out with us, too. It's been neat watching him grow with you this past month. He was afraid to hold you at all in the beginning, and was unsure and slow when changing your diaper. Now he holds you high in the air, talks with you, and changes diapers as well as anyone else in the house. You two are going to have so much fun together.
You rolled over for the first time ever on January 27th. I don't think it was on purpose, you rolled from your belly onto your back twice. I think it surprised you more than anything, and you haven't done it again since. I still bragged about it though.
I thought it would be harder to leave you to go back to work than it has been. Luckily we have your grandmothers coming down to take care of you this month, and that makes leaving you in the morning so much easier. I miss you during the day, because we have a routine that I've gotten used to, but I don't worry about you. The surprising thing is that I'm actually enjoying being at work. It certainly will make my decision regarding working next year more complicated. I just hope I get to make that decision. The bottom line I think is a pretty obvious one, and that is that you are the most important aspect of my life, and so the choice will be easy in the end.
You've had a whole host of visitors this month. Jim and Jessica Mullen visited, as did Brooke Abbitt and her soon to be husband Ryan Scutt. Your aunts, Uncle Chris, and your grandparents have all visited Charlotte as well. We also took a week long trip to Virginia. You did so well in the car. I'm not sure I can even list all the people we saw there. The Crosbys, Mirs, MacArthurs, Metzgers, Gradys...and of course all of the family including your Great Aunt Sharon. Even though we slept in 3 different places in 6 days, you were super, in my opinion anyway. My girlfriends all seem to have these perfect babies, while you cry, have taken time to get on a sleeping schedule, get gassy, have cradle cap and dry skin and a little rash, and poop your way out of diapers nearly daily. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I think you're a great baby. You're just using your limited communication capabilities to make sure we all know you're here. Plus you kick the other babies' butts when it comes to hair. We hung out with some of those hair-deprived babies this month, and some not so hair-deprived. You had a bunch of "play dates" in which we mommies shared war stories and you babies mostly slept and ate. You met Will Crosby and Blakeley Hogan. You also hung out with Lola Halm again. We also hung out with some neighbors, Holly and Leslie, and Leslie's daughter Hollis. With Leslie staying home with little Hollis I'm sure we'll see more of them.
Speaking of sleeping issues...YOU SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT LAST NIGHT! You crazy kid. It was almost exactly on your one month birthday that you finally got your days and nights properly adjusted, and now on your 2 month you go ahead and sleep through the night. Silly. You ate at 8:15 last night, and then not again until 4:15 this morning. You groused a little here and there, but you didn't wake up. I never thought it'd happen. You still fight us when you go down at night. We have about 30-60 minutes of you tiredly yelling at us about how you don't want to (yawn) sleep, that you're really not (long blink) tired. It'd be funny if it weren't so annoying. You will be asleep in my arms, but the second any part of your body touches the mattress you're yelling again. I guess we shouldn't have bought the mattress made of hot molten lava huh?
I've had to pack up nearly all of your newborn clothes. I keep asking you to stop growing, but you won't listen. Your father's child, I guess. Your official 2 month appointment isn't for another week and a half, but my unscientific estimates on the bedroom scale have you at like 12-13 pounds. I guess all of my insecurities about nursing are unfounded. Now that I'm back at work I'm really hoping I can keep up my supply so that we can pick up where we left off with nursing this summer.
I've made a lot of mistakes this month. Remember that cradle cap? Well I wanted to get rid of the flakes, and I read that petroleum jelly can do the trick...so I rubbed a big glob in your hair...turns out Vaseline doesn't really wash out of hair, everyone else in the world already seemed to know this, but not me. I thought I'd ruined you. After 2 washes, some baby oil in your hair, and a few more washes we did finally get it out. Your head was flakier than ever; must have been punishment for not leaving well enough alone. Luckily you really enjoy your baths. I've also made mistakes with those, though. The sprayer in the sink takes a second to empty whatever temperature you last had in it before spraying the temperature of the water currently coming out of the faucet. Luckily the water I sprayed your belly with was freezing cold instead of scalding hot, but certainly you were not a happy baby at that moment. I also gave you an unwelcome surprise when I dropped some books on the floor while you were nursing. You were startled and looked at me with the saddest little face. Luckily we were in the middle of a feeding and nothing quiets you right down like nursing. We also have the stupidest diaper changes known to man. No sooner will we strap a diaper on you that we hear you fill it up again. Or, worse, you'll pee or pooh before we get the next diaper on. Sometimes it just ruins the new diaper, but just as often you get us, the changing table, your clothes...everything. I think the record is 4 diapers in one changing. You are a champion diaper ruiner. If nothing else you kick other babies' butts at hair growth and perfectly inappropriately timed waste elimination.
While we were visiting Virginia Aunt Jenny, GrandPam (or whatever we're calling her), Aunt Theo, Margaret, you and I went to get pictures taken of you and your cousin. It was hilarious. You cried some, but not a terrible amount. Of course I was also nursing you every 25 minutes to keep you calm. Margaret, who is 2 right now, was a wild child and hardly held still for a minute. Once she got away from your Aunt (who is pregnant with "Scrapper") and she ran out into the mall in just her diaper. It was worth the craziness though, we got some great pictures of you. I can't wait to do it again when we're in Richmond in April.
I've had so much fun getting to know you in these last two months. I will always treasure this time we've had to bond with one another. I love you and I can't wait to continue to get to know you as you continue to grow.
Love,
Mommy
Dear Reagan,
I would have thought that after spending two months together nearly 24/7 this whole being a "mommy" thing would be less surreal. Turns out it's not. Perhaps now that I'm back at work and my life has returned to normal the massive difference that is having a child will become more of a reality.
These last two months have been like a little pause from life during which I've gotten to just focus on figuring out how to keep us both alive. You're starting to turn into a person sometimes. More often though you're still just a really loud puzzle I have to figure out. Are you hungry? In pain? Tired? Bored? It's that last question that really shows how much you've grown this past month. You actually play now; you love looking at yourself in the mirror. You smile and coo; you "talk" to everything, yourself, the owls over your swing, the fan, even me and Daddy sometimes. Every day it seems you "discover" a new noise. At first you seem surprised, and then you test it out a little before adding it to your repertoire. You bat at the sun hanging from the play mat GrandPam (or whatever we're calling her) got you. It was funny watching you begin to test the muscles in your face, making the goofiest faces as you learned how to control your muscles. Sometimes it seemed you were watching our faces and trying to imitate our expressions. The best time of day for you is the morning. After your 5-8am feeding and changing we hang out in the big bed for a while if we don't have anywhere to go. You smile and coo. It's even better when Daddy can hang out with us, too. It's been neat watching him grow with you this past month. He was afraid to hold you at all in the beginning, and was unsure and slow when changing your diaper. Now he holds you high in the air, talks with you, and changes diapers as well as anyone else in the house. You two are going to have so much fun together.
You rolled over for the first time ever on January 27th. I don't think it was on purpose, you rolled from your belly onto your back twice. I think it surprised you more than anything, and you haven't done it again since. I still bragged about it though.
I thought it would be harder to leave you to go back to work than it has been. Luckily we have your grandmothers coming down to take care of you this month, and that makes leaving you in the morning so much easier. I miss you during the day, because we have a routine that I've gotten used to, but I don't worry about you. The surprising thing is that I'm actually enjoying being at work. It certainly will make my decision regarding working next year more complicated. I just hope I get to make that decision. The bottom line I think is a pretty obvious one, and that is that you are the most important aspect of my life, and so the choice will be easy in the end.
You've had a whole host of visitors this month. Jim and Jessica Mullen visited, as did Brooke Abbitt and her soon to be husband Ryan Scutt. Your aunts, Uncle Chris, and your grandparents have all visited Charlotte as well. We also took a week long trip to Virginia. You did so well in the car. I'm not sure I can even list all the people we saw there. The Crosbys, Mirs, MacArthurs, Metzgers, Gradys...and of course all of the family including your Great Aunt Sharon. Even though we slept in 3 different places in 6 days, you were super, in my opinion anyway. My girlfriends all seem to have these perfect babies, while you cry, have taken time to get on a sleeping schedule, get gassy, have cradle cap and dry skin and a little rash, and poop your way out of diapers nearly daily. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I think you're a great baby. You're just using your limited communication capabilities to make sure we all know you're here. Plus you kick the other babies' butts when it comes to hair. We hung out with some of those hair-deprived babies this month, and some not so hair-deprived. You had a bunch of "play dates" in which we mommies shared war stories and you babies mostly slept and ate. You met Will Crosby and Blakeley Hogan. You also hung out with Lola Halm again. We also hung out with some neighbors, Holly and Leslie, and Leslie's daughter Hollis. With Leslie staying home with little Hollis I'm sure we'll see more of them.
Speaking of sleeping issues...YOU SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT LAST NIGHT! You crazy kid. It was almost exactly on your one month birthday that you finally got your days and nights properly adjusted, and now on your 2 month you go ahead and sleep through the night. Silly. You ate at 8:15 last night, and then not again until 4:15 this morning. You groused a little here and there, but you didn't wake up. I never thought it'd happen. You still fight us when you go down at night. We have about 30-60 minutes of you tiredly yelling at us about how you don't want to (yawn) sleep, that you're really not (long blink) tired. It'd be funny if it weren't so annoying. You will be asleep in my arms, but the second any part of your body touches the mattress you're yelling again. I guess we shouldn't have bought the mattress made of hot molten lava huh?
I've had to pack up nearly all of your newborn clothes. I keep asking you to stop growing, but you won't listen. Your father's child, I guess. Your official 2 month appointment isn't for another week and a half, but my unscientific estimates on the bedroom scale have you at like 12-13 pounds. I guess all of my insecurities about nursing are unfounded. Now that I'm back at work I'm really hoping I can keep up my supply so that we can pick up where we left off with nursing this summer.
I've made a lot of mistakes this month. Remember that cradle cap? Well I wanted to get rid of the flakes, and I read that petroleum jelly can do the trick...so I rubbed a big glob in your hair...turns out Vaseline doesn't really wash out of hair, everyone else in the world already seemed to know this, but not me. I thought I'd ruined you. After 2 washes, some baby oil in your hair, and a few more washes we did finally get it out. Your head was flakier than ever; must have been punishment for not leaving well enough alone. Luckily you really enjoy your baths. I've also made mistakes with those, though. The sprayer in the sink takes a second to empty whatever temperature you last had in it before spraying the temperature of the water currently coming out of the faucet. Luckily the water I sprayed your belly with was freezing cold instead of scalding hot, but certainly you were not a happy baby at that moment. I also gave you an unwelcome surprise when I dropped some books on the floor while you were nursing. You were startled and looked at me with the saddest little face. Luckily we were in the middle of a feeding and nothing quiets you right down like nursing. We also have the stupidest diaper changes known to man. No sooner will we strap a diaper on you that we hear you fill it up again. Or, worse, you'll pee or pooh before we get the next diaper on. Sometimes it just ruins the new diaper, but just as often you get us, the changing table, your clothes...everything. I think the record is 4 diapers in one changing. You are a champion diaper ruiner. If nothing else you kick other babies' butts at hair growth and perfectly inappropriately timed waste elimination.
While we were visiting Virginia Aunt Jenny, GrandPam (or whatever we're calling her), Aunt Theo, Margaret, you and I went to get pictures taken of you and your cousin. It was hilarious. You cried some, but not a terrible amount. Of course I was also nursing you every 25 minutes to keep you calm. Margaret, who is 2 right now, was a wild child and hardly held still for a minute. Once she got away from your Aunt (who is pregnant with "Scrapper") and she ran out into the mall in just her diaper. It was worth the craziness though, we got some great pictures of you. I can't wait to do it again when we're in Richmond in April.
I've had so much fun getting to know you in these last two months. I will always treasure this time we've had to bond with one another. I love you and I can't wait to continue to get to know you as you continue to grow.
Love,
Mommy
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
22 Weeks
Ultrasound pictures from 18 weeks (taken about 4 weeks ago).
Belly picture from week 21, last week.
I am really enjoying this now that I have a little more energy. I am also enjoying feeling her little bumps and rumbles. :)
I am still wearing my own pants...well, make that I can wear my own pants. I have learned that pregnant pants rock. I might never wear regular pants again.
-Melissa
Belly picture from week 21, last week.
I am really enjoying this now that I have a little more energy. I am also enjoying feeling her little bumps and rumbles. :)
I am still wearing my own pants...well, make that I can wear my own pants. I have learned that pregnant pants rock. I might never wear regular pants again.
-Melissa
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Milestones (Week 21)
Everyone said that after the first trimester I would begin to enjoy this pregnancy thing more...turns out they were right. This is not to say I'm suddenly going to begin actually listening to the excessive amounts of advice people bestow upon pregnant women, but I am glad this turned out to be true.
I loved seeing our little girl bounce around inside me during our 18 week ultrasound, and while we watched Harry Potter on July 16th I felt her kick me for the first time. That was around week 17, for those who are keeping track. I wasn't SURE that's what I was feeling, but it certainly felt different than anything I'd felt before...so I hoped. Since then I've felt that same sensation increasingly often, and am pretty convinced that's my little one in their wiggling and moving about.
Last week Joe actually felt her for the first time. This was especially cool since he'd just expressed that he felt sad I had all the fun of feeling her move and he couldn't have that experience. As we were laying there in bed waiting and hoping she'd give a big kick suddenly she did. Both our eyes popped open. "Did you feel that?" I asked. "I did!" he exclaimed. It was very very cool.
My belly is starting to almost, sorta, barely outgrow my regular pants. Most still fit, but are a little snug when I sit down, and those that were already snug are out of the question. I'm not really in need of true maternity clothes, but I'm not going to lie, those things are COMFORTABLE. So, I wear them sometimes anyway. :)
-Melissa
I loved seeing our little girl bounce around inside me during our 18 week ultrasound, and while we watched Harry Potter on July 16th I felt her kick me for the first time. That was around week 17, for those who are keeping track. I wasn't SURE that's what I was feeling, but it certainly felt different than anything I'd felt before...so I hoped. Since then I've felt that same sensation increasingly often, and am pretty convinced that's my little one in their wiggling and moving about.
Last week Joe actually felt her for the first time. This was especially cool since he'd just expressed that he felt sad I had all the fun of feeling her move and he couldn't have that experience. As we were laying there in bed waiting and hoping she'd give a big kick suddenly she did. Both our eyes popped open. "Did you feel that?" I asked. "I did!" he exclaimed. It was very very cool.
My belly is starting to almost, sorta, barely outgrow my regular pants. Most still fit, but are a little snug when I sit down, and those that were already snug are out of the question. I'm not really in need of true maternity clothes, but I'm not going to lie, those things are COMFORTABLE. So, I wear them sometimes anyway. :)
-Melissa
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
A Consolation Prize
To make up for my horrible lack of posting I have an offering.
A video of today's ultrasound, complete with the reveal of our little one's gender.
A video of today's ultrasound, complete with the reveal of our little one's gender.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Beans, spilled
Finally, finally, finally we are able to tell everyone WHY we have put off the adoption. The family has known since right about the same time we did, but we're pregnant!
As of today I am 10 weeks along. Things couldn't be going better.
I will post more later, but I just wanted to finally get this out there, in the open. Yay!
Of course, I did post it to Facebook the other day, so the world kind of already knows I guess. :)
-Melissa
As of today I am 10 weeks along. Things couldn't be going better.
I will post more later, but I just wanted to finally get this out there, in the open. Yay!
Of course, I did post it to Facebook the other day, so the world kind of already knows I guess. :)
-Melissa
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Open Vs. Not
One of the biggest eyebrow raisers among our adoption choices is the choice to have an open adoption.
Initially we were not overly interested in this particular option oursleves. It certainly seemed less complicated to just have a baby magically appear out of thin air without strings, baggage, and biological ties. From what I've read most people initially feel this way. Perhaps that's in part because of our culture and the information we've received about adoption. More often than not when you think of birthmothers I think the negative images dominate. The loudly unhappy woman who starts a website opposing adoption in all forms. The Lifetime movie about the teenager forced to give up her child who lurks behind trees and stalks the unexpecting adoptive couple.
Could these things happen, absolutely. Would we want a bitter and angry person involved in our lives, of course not.
But the truth is this, that woman (and man, assuming the birth father is involved) are a part of our adopted child's life. They just are. I think any person with a biological connection to another person (hello, everyone) knows that blood is important. Like it or not, it matters. For reasons emotional and otherwise, that connection is an important one, and a valid one, and one that won't just "go away" because we choose not to acknowledge it.
Emotionally I am glad that when our child has questions about why he or she was given up for adoption, we'll know the answer. Because we'll know his/her birthmother we'll know what her situation was. Who she was, how old, and why she felt that adoption was the best choice for her child. And, hopefully, we'll have an ongoing relationship with her that allows us either in person, by phone, by letter or email to let her tell the child these things herself. There's no worry that she'll be built up into some amazing "BIRTHMOTHER" that is better than us, or preferable to us, because she'll be human, just like us, and our child will see that.
On a more practical level, we'll be able to have access to our child's medical background. And those change...so when our son or daughter's birthgrandparent develops heart disease, we can be told, and our child will have as complete a medical history as possible.
Will it be complicated? Yes. But, hell, life's complicated. And the second you think it's not, that you've got it figured out, that's when the lightning bolt comes out of the sky to remind you otherwise (hello, experience speaking...). And the fact is, adoption is complicated anyway. Birth parents, real parents, biological parents, first parents, adoptive parents, mom, dad....there's a lot happening there. There are a lot of emotions involved. Fear, love, excitement, anxiety, eagerness, dread. Everyone involved has layers of things to "deal" with.
I almost feel like having an "open" adoption is a little akin to just being "open" in general. Instead of keeping things quiet, or putting them away, they're out there. They exist. They ARE. That's a lot more in line with my personality than secrets and closeted skeletons. So why not just face these things. Will it always be an easy road, of course not...but since when was parenting easy anyway? Will I want to eat these optimistic and rosey-glassed words later, no doubt...but when have non-parents not said stupid things that just display their ametuer perspectives? :)
For those wanting more perspecitive, here are some websites I have found insitghtful:
The agency's information on open adoption: http://www.adoptionhelp.org/open_adoption/
This one talks more to birth mothers, but gives a good perspective and helps me understand her expectations: http://www.openadoption.org/bbetzen/parent.htm#parent
Of course a simple google search will provide plenty of other informational site, testimonials, and other resources.
-Melissa
Initially we were not overly interested in this particular option oursleves. It certainly seemed less complicated to just have a baby magically appear out of thin air without strings, baggage, and biological ties. From what I've read most people initially feel this way. Perhaps that's in part because of our culture and the information we've received about adoption. More often than not when you think of birthmothers I think the negative images dominate. The loudly unhappy woman who starts a website opposing adoption in all forms. The Lifetime movie about the teenager forced to give up her child who lurks behind trees and stalks the unexpecting adoptive couple.
Could these things happen, absolutely. Would we want a bitter and angry person involved in our lives, of course not.
But the truth is this, that woman (and man, assuming the birth father is involved) are a part of our adopted child's life. They just are. I think any person with a biological connection to another person (hello, everyone) knows that blood is important. Like it or not, it matters. For reasons emotional and otherwise, that connection is an important one, and a valid one, and one that won't just "go away" because we choose not to acknowledge it.
Emotionally I am glad that when our child has questions about why he or she was given up for adoption, we'll know the answer. Because we'll know his/her birthmother we'll know what her situation was. Who she was, how old, and why she felt that adoption was the best choice for her child. And, hopefully, we'll have an ongoing relationship with her that allows us either in person, by phone, by letter or email to let her tell the child these things herself. There's no worry that she'll be built up into some amazing "BIRTHMOTHER" that is better than us, or preferable to us, because she'll be human, just like us, and our child will see that.
On a more practical level, we'll be able to have access to our child's medical background. And those change...so when our son or daughter's birthgrandparent develops heart disease, we can be told, and our child will have as complete a medical history as possible.
Will it be complicated? Yes. But, hell, life's complicated. And the second you think it's not, that you've got it figured out, that's when the lightning bolt comes out of the sky to remind you otherwise (hello, experience speaking...). And the fact is, adoption is complicated anyway. Birth parents, real parents, biological parents, first parents, adoptive parents, mom, dad....there's a lot happening there. There are a lot of emotions involved. Fear, love, excitement, anxiety, eagerness, dread. Everyone involved has layers of things to "deal" with.
I almost feel like having an "open" adoption is a little akin to just being "open" in general. Instead of keeping things quiet, or putting them away, they're out there. They exist. They ARE. That's a lot more in line with my personality than secrets and closeted skeletons. So why not just face these things. Will it always be an easy road, of course not...but since when was parenting easy anyway? Will I want to eat these optimistic and rosey-glassed words later, no doubt...but when have non-parents not said stupid things that just display their ametuer perspectives? :)
For those wanting more perspecitive, here are some websites I have found insitghtful:
The agency's information on open adoption: http://www.adoptionhelp.org/open_adoption/
This one talks more to birth mothers, but gives a good perspective and helps me understand her expectations: http://www.openadoption.org/bbetzen/parent.htm#parent
Of course a simple google search will provide plenty of other informational site, testimonials, and other resources.
-Melissa
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
A non-update about the lack of updating...
I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update here. I could give you some excuses...but who needs those?
The long and short of it is this...Joe and I are putting the adoption on hold for a while. Everything is OK, but things have gotten a little crazy around here lately. I'll elaborate more when they work themselves out some.
I will continue to update here regarding our adoption choices in order to elaborate on some of the aspects of it (like choosing an open adoption, or domestic, etc), but the updates will be less frequent (ha! since they were so speedy anyway?) and won't be "real-time" updates of our progess, since, obviously, there won't be any.
Thanks again for everyone's support. I'm sorry to put such an abrupt stop to things....and everything is OK, so don't worry or anything, and I'll update you on what's going on just as soon as I can.
-Melissa
The long and short of it is this...Joe and I are putting the adoption on hold for a while. Everything is OK, but things have gotten a little crazy around here lately. I'll elaborate more when they work themselves out some.
I will continue to update here regarding our adoption choices in order to elaborate on some of the aspects of it (like choosing an open adoption, or domestic, etc), but the updates will be less frequent (ha! since they were so speedy anyway?) and won't be "real-time" updates of our progess, since, obviously, there won't be any.
Thanks again for everyone's support. I'm sorry to put such an abrupt stop to things....and everything is OK, so don't worry or anything, and I'll update you on what's going on just as soon as I can.
-Melissa
Monday, April 20, 2009
Updaterific
We have made our first financial commitment to the agency we've chosen. We've paid the $250 dollar registration fee for their weekend intensive workshop, and an approximately $900 deposit toward our overall fees. Ultimately our agency fees will be $16,000. Beyond that we may have to pay some birth mother expenses, as well as finalization and attorney fees, and some other odds and ends.
The agency we're going with is the Independent Adoption Center. We really like them for a lot of reasons.
First, they are very inclusive. While we were searching we found that a lot of agencies were rather exclusive, helping only families of a certain religion for example. That's quite a turn off. This agency, though, is quite the opposite. They actively market their services to non-traditional families and singles. I like that.
They also do "open adoptions." This means that we will know our birth parents, and they'll know us. Even after the baby is born and the adoption is complete we will still have a relationship with our child's birth parents. This route is one that it took a while for us to learn about and to prefer. Initially we, like most prospective adoptive parents, wanted a closed adoption. It seems "safer" and less complicated. And in a situation that is bound to have many complications, that was attractive. As we researched this particular option more, though, we realized that "out of sight, out of mind" doesn't really apply in this case. Ultimately I believe that some level of openness is in the best interest of the child, the birth parents, and the adoptive parents. How "open" is open is something we'll determine with the birth parents once we've made a match. The agency encourages at least one post-placement visit though. Joe is on board with this too, which is a change from his original opinion. In fact, the other day he told me he hopes that our birth mother lives in the area so that we can know her during the pregnancy and not just talk to her on the phone.
I also like that they have an office right up the road in Raleigh. It's nice to know we'll be getting face time with this agency and that they are so accessible. Some of the other agencies we were looking at didn't even have offices on the east coast. Blech.
So anyway, we'll be spending our Friday and Saturday there. Friday we'll go over the contract, begin our home study process with some interviews, and begin writing our Dear Birth mother letter...which is really more like a brochure (HI, WE'RE GREAT PICK US! WE LOVE KIDS, EVEN STINKY ONES!... or something like that). Saturday we'll be in a couple classes that address parenting issues unique to adoptive families. (AKA, What to do when your teenager yells that you're "not her real mom".)
All in all it should be most informative and exciting. Even Joe agrees. Which is cute. And makes me feel less nuts...cause, if Joe's on board then it's not too bad of an idea.*
-Melissa
*Unless of course it's a REALLY bad idea. But those are obvious because they could result in a visit to the hospital or jail.
The agency we're going with is the Independent Adoption Center. We really like them for a lot of reasons.
First, they are very inclusive. While we were searching we found that a lot of agencies were rather exclusive, helping only families of a certain religion for example. That's quite a turn off. This agency, though, is quite the opposite. They actively market their services to non-traditional families and singles. I like that.
They also do "open adoptions." This means that we will know our birth parents, and they'll know us. Even after the baby is born and the adoption is complete we will still have a relationship with our child's birth parents. This route is one that it took a while for us to learn about and to prefer. Initially we, like most prospective adoptive parents, wanted a closed adoption. It seems "safer" and less complicated. And in a situation that is bound to have many complications, that was attractive. As we researched this particular option more, though, we realized that "out of sight, out of mind" doesn't really apply in this case. Ultimately I believe that some level of openness is in the best interest of the child, the birth parents, and the adoptive parents. How "open" is open is something we'll determine with the birth parents once we've made a match. The agency encourages at least one post-placement visit though. Joe is on board with this too, which is a change from his original opinion. In fact, the other day he told me he hopes that our birth mother lives in the area so that we can know her during the pregnancy and not just talk to her on the phone.
I also like that they have an office right up the road in Raleigh. It's nice to know we'll be getting face time with this agency and that they are so accessible. Some of the other agencies we were looking at didn't even have offices on the east coast. Blech.
So anyway, we'll be spending our Friday and Saturday there. Friday we'll go over the contract, begin our home study process with some interviews, and begin writing our Dear Birth mother letter...which is really more like a brochure (HI, WE'RE GREAT PICK US! WE LOVE KIDS, EVEN STINKY ONES!... or something like that). Saturday we'll be in a couple classes that address parenting issues unique to adoptive families. (AKA, What to do when your teenager yells that you're "not her real mom".)
All in all it should be most informative and exciting. Even Joe agrees. Which is cute. And makes me feel less nuts...cause, if Joe's on board then it's not too bad of an idea.*
-Melissa
*Unless of course it's a REALLY bad idea. But those are obvious because they could result in a visit to the hospital or jail.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
From the FAQ Files: Timeline
Now that things are more definite, as in, they are definitely happening, people have become more curious about the specifics. I loved the questions my mom, sister, and grandfather asked. I could tell how excited they were, and eager, and ready to be a part of this.
One question we get again and again is about time. I mentioned earlier that it could take a while, here’s how the months will break down.
From the time we begin our home study (which is the weekend of April 24th) we will spend 3 to 4 months working to get “in the book.” Home Studies take at least 8-12 weeks, and we’ll simultaneously be working on our “Dear Birthmother” letter. This is more of a brochure than just a letter. It includes pictures of us, information about who we are and what we like to do, how we live, etc. Once our home study (I’ll elaborate on that another time) is finished, and our letter is approved we are “in the book” or available to be picked by a birthmother.
What happens then is that when a woman matches what we’ve identified as what we want in a birthmother/baby (based on a variety of factors including the ethnicity of the baby, health of the mother, etc) our letter will be included in a packet of letters that get sent to her. Then she can choose us. We’ll talk, and maybe make a match. It could take up to 12 months or more for a match to be made. It could always take less. I am optimistic that Joe and I have a lot going for us. We’re young, we’re a heterosexual couple, we’re educated, we have families that are big and close with one another, etc. Please don’t take that as me saying the opposites of those are undesirable, different birth mothers want different things, but I think in general that we have a lot of things in our corner that will not “rule us out” if you will. I am a little worried that our religion might turn off some women. However, I’ve read that most women making adoption plans for their children are more concerned with a couple being religiously involved and less concerned with what religion it is exactly.
Now then, once the match is made we have to wait for the baby to be born. Most women working with IAC match at around 6 months. So the average wait time after match is 3 months. In most cases we would bring the baby home from the hospital upon discharge, and we might even be present at the birth, and the following days in the hospital. When the birth mother and baby are discharged she will sign paperwork then that terminates her parental rights. She does have time to change her mind after doing this. It varies depending on the state in which the baby was born.
Then 3 to 6 months later we’ll officially finalize the adoption, change the baby’s birth certificate, etc. And that’ll be the end. Well, the end of his or her adoption story anyway. After that he or she will be ours. We will have an open adoption, meaning we will stay in contact of some sort or another with the baby’s birth parents. (I’ll elaborate on that another time as well.)
Long story short, I am optimistically anticipating a year’s wait between the beginning of the process this month, and the time we are matched and/or bring home baby. I’m crossing my fingers that it takes less time, but I’ve promised myself not to get impatient until April of 2010. Of course, even that is sooner than the average wait time, but I figure that for it to be the average some people have to come in under and some over. I just want to be in the under…and I think we have some potential to do that.
-Melissa
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Briefly and with much excitement...
We can now afford our adoption. Our families are amazing and wonderful, and "supportive" doesn't begin to cover it.
We are more than blessed.
My heart is racing. I've called and emailed (and left breathless, goofy, nonsensical messages in both places) our contact at the IAC (the agency we're using, I should elaborate on them perhaps....another time...) and am crossing my fingers that there is still room at this month's weekend intensive program (the next official step.)
Wow. We're actually moving forward to a moment that's off in the future, down the road wherein we become parents.
Baby steps. Eager eager baby steps. But we're moving forward nonetheless.
Breathlessly,
Melissa
PS Did I mention we love our families? I don't think I did...this is more than we could've ever hoped for. We never imagined. Wow. Whew. I'm so grateful.
We are more than blessed.
My heart is racing. I've called and emailed (and left breathless, goofy, nonsensical messages in both places) our contact at the IAC (the agency we're using, I should elaborate on them perhaps....another time...) and am crossing my fingers that there is still room at this month's weekend intensive program (the next official step.)
Wow. We're actually moving forward to a moment that's off in the future, down the road wherein we become parents.
Baby steps. Eager eager baby steps. But we're moving forward nonetheless.
Breathlessly,
Melissa
PS Did I mention we love our families? I don't think I did...this is more than we could've ever hoped for. We never imagined. Wow. Whew. I'm so grateful.
Money Trail (like Oregon Trail, but less fun, and no dysentery)
So we've had some amazing loans made to us by family members. Instead of being completely unsure where the heck all this money is going to come from, it's starting to materialize. We are insanely touched and grateful.
We're almost halfway to the goal...which is funny since none of it is actually our money, and that's what I wanted to address.
So some people know (and now anyone reading this does) that adoption is super mad expensive. There are a variety of adoption options (haha "adoption option"...like Conjunction Junction except more about getting babies than combining sentence parts...) and of course they all come with different price tags. Briefly (because I know most about what we're doing of course, as opposed to the various and sundry things we are NOT doing) here are some; foster care/adoption from social services is free...in fact, depending on the situation you could actually come out monetarily ahead with this option. You certainly don't pay anything, and you get a monthly stipend for the child until he/she is 18, and if he/she is a "special needs" child (this could be as severe as you're thinking, or as mild as ADHD or needing glasses) then you get grants and such from the government. Foreign adoption runs in the $20,000-$50,000 range. Independent or relative adoption can be anywhere from $5,000-$50,000, and agency adoption is $15,000-$50,000. Those numbers are based on my research and shouldn't be depended on, but can give you a basic range. Of course we've decided to go with agency adoption, and our expenses shouldn't top $20,000. They may even be as low as $18,000. Yeah, I know...I just said 18k was low. Perspective sure is a funny and shifting thing ain't it?
As I've said, we're borrowing the majority of that. We could certainly save up and have the cash on hand in a decent amount of time, but in my opinion even 6 months is just more time than I want to spend waiting. Mostly I feel that way because the process, once we actually start it officially, which we haven't yet, but that we're hoping to start either this month or in July, and... wait..what was I saying? Oh yeah, the process will take 12-18 months to complete, at least. So, we'll pay a crazy amount of money, do a ton of paper work, and then wait. Then we'll get picked, and we'll wait, then we'll get a baby. So from right now, my optimistic hope is that we'll have a child in 2 years tops. And that's optimistic. Could it happen faster? Indeed it does, sometimes. But realistically you can't set yourself up for that because it doesn't always happen that way. Thus, I'd rather not wait any longer than I have to to get officially started. Hurray for Hurry Up and Wait.
So we're borrowing, and we'll pay it off while we wait, and then... Then! Then, once we have our new son or daughter, and we're basking in the glow of parenthood (or, you know, wallowing in the stench of puked up formula and dirty diapers), we'll tell Uncle Sam that we spent X amount of dollars on our adoption, and he will GIVE US BACK up to $12,000. Then we'll tell Uncle North Carolina Sam that we spent N amount of dollars on adoption, and he will GIVE US BACK up to $6,000. (If you adopt a special needs child you get those full amounts regardless of how much you actually spent.) So, worst case scenario, that's when we pay back the loans we're taking out now. While it may seem insane to go into debt over this, that pay back at the end makes it seem less stupid. To me anyway.
So that's that. Going into debt for anything is often imprudent...and the stupid cliches that are all over adoption websites and literature that say some crap about how bringing home a baby is priceless (anyone else see a credit card commercial in there?) are annoying mostly because regardless of what you'd give to bring home your own precious son or daughter...if you don't have it, you don't have it. Regardless, it feels like this short lived debt just won't be that big of a deal in the end.
Remind me I said that when I'm paying the bills next month. :)
-Melissa
*The financial info above is all based on the research I've done, and the things I've been told by an adoption lawyer who I'm not paying (bless her heart, she totally could have charged someone for that kind of advice) and from the agencies we've interviewed. Disclaimer: Don't base anything other than a Trivial Pursuit win on this information.
We're almost halfway to the goal...which is funny since none of it is actually our money, and that's what I wanted to address.
So some people know (and now anyone reading this does) that adoption is super mad expensive. There are a variety of adoption options (haha "adoption option"...like Conjunction Junction except more about getting babies than combining sentence parts...) and of course they all come with different price tags. Briefly (because I know most about what we're doing of course, as opposed to the various and sundry things we are NOT doing) here are some; foster care/adoption from social services is free...in fact, depending on the situation you could actually come out monetarily ahead with this option. You certainly don't pay anything, and you get a monthly stipend for the child until he/she is 18, and if he/she is a "special needs" child (this could be as severe as you're thinking, or as mild as ADHD or needing glasses) then you get grants and such from the government. Foreign adoption runs in the $20,000-$50,000 range. Independent or relative adoption can be anywhere from $5,000-$50,000, and agency adoption is $15,000-$50,000. Those numbers are based on my research and shouldn't be depended on, but can give you a basic range. Of course we've decided to go with agency adoption, and our expenses shouldn't top $20,000. They may even be as low as $18,000. Yeah, I know...I just said 18k was low. Perspective sure is a funny and shifting thing ain't it?
As I've said, we're borrowing the majority of that. We could certainly save up and have the cash on hand in a decent amount of time, but in my opinion even 6 months is just more time than I want to spend waiting. Mostly I feel that way because the process, once we actually start it officially, which we haven't yet, but that we're hoping to start either this month or in July, and... wait..what was I saying? Oh yeah, the process will take 12-18 months to complete, at least. So, we'll pay a crazy amount of money, do a ton of paper work, and then wait. Then we'll get picked, and we'll wait, then we'll get a baby. So from right now, my optimistic hope is that we'll have a child in 2 years tops. And that's optimistic. Could it happen faster? Indeed it does, sometimes. But realistically you can't set yourself up for that because it doesn't always happen that way. Thus, I'd rather not wait any longer than I have to to get officially started. Hurray for Hurry Up and Wait.
So we're borrowing, and we'll pay it off while we wait, and then... Then! Then, once we have our new son or daughter, and we're basking in the glow of parenthood (or, you know, wallowing in the stench of puked up formula and dirty diapers), we'll tell Uncle Sam that we spent X amount of dollars on our adoption, and he will GIVE US BACK up to $12,000. Then we'll tell Uncle North Carolina Sam that we spent N amount of dollars on adoption, and he will GIVE US BACK up to $6,000. (If you adopt a special needs child you get those full amounts regardless of how much you actually spent.) So, worst case scenario, that's when we pay back the loans we're taking out now. While it may seem insane to go into debt over this, that pay back at the end makes it seem less stupid. To me anyway.
So that's that. Going into debt for anything is often imprudent...and the stupid cliches that are all over adoption websites and literature that say some crap about how bringing home a baby is priceless (anyone else see a credit card commercial in there?) are annoying mostly because regardless of what you'd give to bring home your own precious son or daughter...if you don't have it, you don't have it. Regardless, it feels like this short lived debt just won't be that big of a deal in the end.
Remind me I said that when I'm paying the bills next month. :)
-Melissa
*The financial info above is all based on the research I've done, and the things I've been told by an adoption lawyer who I'm not paying (bless her heart, she totally could have charged someone for that kind of advice) and from the agencies we've interviewed. Disclaimer: Don't base anything other than a Trivial Pursuit win on this information.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Support
Wow. Just wow. That's been our response time and again to the tremendous amount of support and encouragement we've gotten.
It's amazing. It's so heartwarming and uplifting. Wow.
From family members who have offered to loan us money and some who have just given it to us, to acquaintances who have gifted it and supported our fundraising website, the financial help is so so appreciated. We also received so many comments from people telling us how excited they are for us, and how they're praying for us, and supporting us in ways big and small.
For every time I feel defeated I think back on the circle of people who are cheering us on, and the tears in my eyes change from tears of frustration to tears of gratitude.
It's amazing.
I've said many times that the past year and a half has been a mixed blessing. Of course our path would have been a lot easier if Joe and I could've just gotten pregnant the second we decided we wanted to be parents, but that just wasn't how our story plays out. And it was frustrating and hard at times...but ultimately I think there were positive things that came from the experience. I think Joe and I are closer than ever. I learned so much about his decision making process, and how better to communicate with him. Sure, we would've been fine without these hard-learned lessons...but then again, maybe not. Our life is going to be full of tough situations, far worse than this one, and now I know we're that much more prepared to weather those storms.
The same is true of this adoption process. Would I have preferred to come into it with our money tree in full bloom? Duh. But part of life is the process, the struggles, the frustrations....because without them we wouldn't appreciate the rest. It can be easy to overlook.
So consider me counting my blessings. And I count the people in my life at the top of that list.
-Melissa
It's amazing. It's so heartwarming and uplifting. Wow.
From family members who have offered to loan us money and some who have just given it to us, to acquaintances who have gifted it and supported our fundraising website, the financial help is so so appreciated. We also received so many comments from people telling us how excited they are for us, and how they're praying for us, and supporting us in ways big and small.
For every time I feel defeated I think back on the circle of people who are cheering us on, and the tears in my eyes change from tears of frustration to tears of gratitude.
It's amazing.
I've said many times that the past year and a half has been a mixed blessing. Of course our path would have been a lot easier if Joe and I could've just gotten pregnant the second we decided we wanted to be parents, but that just wasn't how our story plays out. And it was frustrating and hard at times...but ultimately I think there were positive things that came from the experience. I think Joe and I are closer than ever. I learned so much about his decision making process, and how better to communicate with him. Sure, we would've been fine without these hard-learned lessons...but then again, maybe not. Our life is going to be full of tough situations, far worse than this one, and now I know we're that much more prepared to weather those storms.
The same is true of this adoption process. Would I have preferred to come into it with our money tree in full bloom? Duh. But part of life is the process, the struggles, the frustrations....because without them we wouldn't appreciate the rest. It can be easy to overlook.
So consider me counting my blessings. And I count the people in my life at the top of that list.
-Melissa
Monday, April 6, 2009
Roadblock
As I mentioned before, there are just so so many choices in this process. It is great to have such a level of control and to have so many options, but it also adds to the overwhelming nature of this situation.
We've been "deciding" for a while whether or not we were even prepared to start down this path. You consider all the difficulties, the length of the process, the extra challenges added to your life and that of your child. You consider the benefits of not going through medical procedures to get pregnant, the benefits to the child, the blessing you could be to a woman not yet ready to parent. You search your heart, and those of your family and close friends.
Then you decide. Yes. Yes, I want to adopt. We want to be parents. We want to welcome a child not born to us into our home and our hearts. We want to raise that child as our own, because she will be.
And you start researching how to make this happen, because you've spent all that time deciding it's what you wanted. And the truth falls square in your lap. It's one of the most expensive endeavors you've ever undertaken. And while that knowledge was somewhere in your mind during the process, it just wasn't at the forefront, because honestly, it's not that important. Except that it is. It's perhaps the most important part because without the money, there is no process. There are no homestudies, or agency marketing plans, no lawyers finalizing anything. Nothing.
So I think we've found an agency we like. I'll elaborate on that and the process of finding them, but for now we're stalled out. I have a couple of job prospects, and we're dotting our financial i's and crossing our financial t's in order to convince a bank that we're good for the money, but who knows if it'll be enough. It's a shame that money is so important because it's really just not.
-Melissa
*Editor's note...this post is not one where I'm trying to get pity or where I'm secretly hoping people will offer us money or anything like that. It's just where we are in this process, and I promised to share the process here on our blog.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Background
Welcome to our new blog!
Our purpose here is to keep everyone posted on our adoption journey, and after it ends, on the progress of our little family. A pre-"mommy blog", if you will. Since we’ve asked our friends and family to join us on this journey (by way of asking for their help at http://smartraise.com/FilanowiczAdoptionFund ) we thought it would only be fair to include everyone in the process. Hopefully this won’t just be all mundane updates, but I’m not making any promises.
We have had a lot of support and been given some great advice. Of course our families have been amazing. Early on I was concerned that perhaps they wouldn’t feel comfortable with this. Not even close. Everyone acted like it was silly to even ask if this would be an issue. I know not every family is as loving and accepting as ours are…and that’s all the more reason I think our home and our family is worthy of being an “adoptive family”.
I know people are sometimes curious about what has lead us to choose adoption, but I don’t think it is so important to discuss how we came to be at this juncture. The fact is we want to have a family, and this is how we’ve chosen to make that happen. Are their other ways we could make this happen? Yes, there are, but ultimately this is the path that’s right for us. This is how it happens in our life story. At least so far as we’ve written it.
So, once we picked this path we started researching. We thought that we really wanted to adopt from foster care. Unfortunately we also really want to adopt a young child, and those things just aren’t super compatible. Not to mention we’re just not prepared to take care of a child and then have to return him to his family. Maybe later, when we have a child or two, and that piece of our puzzle is intact, maybe then we can open our hearts to be broken like that, but right now we just can’t.
That ruled out one kind of adoption, but left so many more still to choose from. That’s really what’s so hard about all of this…there are SO MANY choices. And, that’s great…and also overwhelming. We have decided not to adopt abroad at this time either. There are risks associated with adoption, regardless of where you adopt from. We weighed those risks, and decided that we felt more comfortable with the risks of a domestic adoption than those of a foreign adoption.
So that’s where we are. We’re working on figuring out the finances. We’re interviewing agencies and lawyers. We’re trying to figure out the path from here. All the while weighing in our hearts and minds all the myriad of other choices that come along with this journey. From this side of things it seems we have a mountain to climb, but I certainly don’t doubt that anything thrown at us will be worth it in the end. And, of course, I also know that this will be nothing compared to actually parenting a child. And I can’t wait.
Thanks for joining us. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. Thanks for just listening. Thanks for asking how you can help. Thanks for signing up on our fundraising website. Thanks for everything.
-Melissa
Our purpose here is to keep everyone posted on our adoption journey, and after it ends, on the progress of our little family. A pre-"mommy blog", if you will. Since we’ve asked our friends and family to join us on this journey (by way of asking for their help at http://smartraise.com/
We have had a lot of support and been given some great advice. Of course our families have been amazing. Early on I was concerned that perhaps they wouldn’t feel comfortable with this. Not even close. Everyone acted like it was silly to even ask if this would be an issue. I know not every family is as loving and accepting as ours are…and that’s all the more reason I think our home and our family is worthy of being an “adoptive family”.
I know people are sometimes curious about what has lead us to choose adoption, but I don’t think it is so important to discuss how we came to be at this juncture. The fact is we want to have a family, and this is how we’ve chosen to make that happen. Are their other ways we could make this happen? Yes, there are, but ultimately this is the path that’s right for us. This is how it happens in our life story. At least so far as we’ve written it.
So, once we picked this path we started researching. We thought that we really wanted to adopt from foster care. Unfortunately we also really want to adopt a young child, and those things just aren’t super compatible. Not to mention we’re just not prepared to take care of a child and then have to return him to his family. Maybe later, when we have a child or two, and that piece of our puzzle is intact, maybe then we can open our hearts to be broken like that, but right now we just can’t.
That ruled out one kind of adoption, but left so many more still to choose from. That’s really what’s so hard about all of this…there are SO MANY choices. And, that’s great…and also overwhelming. We have decided not to adopt abroad at this time either. There are risks associated with adoption, regardless of where you adopt from. We weighed those risks, and decided that we felt more comfortable with the risks of a domestic adoption than those of a foreign adoption.
So that’s where we are. We’re working on figuring out the finances. We’re interviewing agencies and lawyers. We’re trying to figure out the path from here. All the while weighing in our hearts and minds all the myriad of other choices that come along with this journey. From this side of things it seems we have a mountain to climb, but I certainly don’t doubt that anything thrown at us will be worth it in the end. And, of course, I also know that this will be nothing compared to actually parenting a child. And I can’t wait.
Thanks for joining us. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. Thanks for just listening. Thanks for asking how you can help. Thanks for signing up on our fundraising website. Thanks for everything.
-Melissa
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