Updaterific

We have made our first financial commitment to the agency we've chosen. We've paid the $250 dollar registration fee for their weekend intensive workshop, and an approximately $900 deposit toward our overall fees. Ultimately our agency fees will be $16,000. Beyond that we may have to pay some birth mother expenses, as well as finalization and attorney fees, and some other odds and ends.

The agency we're going with is the Independent Adoption Center. We really like them for a lot of reasons.

First, they are very inclusive. While we were searching we found that a lot of agencies were rather exclusive, helping only families of a certain religion for example. That's quite a turn off. This agency, though, is quite the opposite. They actively market their services to non-traditional families and singles. I like that.

They also do "open adoptions." This means that we will know our birth parents, and they'll know us. Even after the baby is born and the adoption is complete we will still have a relationship with our child's birth parents. This route is one that it took a while for us to learn about and to prefer. Initially we, like most prospective adoptive parents, wanted a closed adoption. It seems "safer" and less complicated. And in a situation that is bound to have many complications, that was attractive. As we researched this particular option more, though, we realized that "out of sight, out of mind" doesn't really apply in this case. Ultimately I believe that some level of openness is in the best interest of the child, the birth parents, and the adoptive parents. How "open" is open is something we'll determine with the birth parents once we've made a match. The agency encourages at least one post-placement visit though. Joe is on board with this too, which is a change from his original opinion. In fact, the other day he told me he hopes that our birth mother lives in the area so that we can know her during the pregnancy and not just talk to her on the phone.

I also like that they have an office right up the road in Raleigh. It's nice to know we'll be getting face time with this agency and that they are so accessible. Some of the other agencies we were looking at didn't even have offices on the east coast. Blech.

So anyway, we'll be spending our Friday and Saturday there. Friday we'll go over the contract, begin our home study process with some interviews, and begin writing our Dear Birth mother letter...which is really more like a brochure (HI, WE'RE GREAT PICK US! WE LOVE KIDS, EVEN STINKY ONES!... or something like that). Saturday we'll be in a couple classes that address parenting issues unique to adoptive families. (AKA, What to do when your teenager yells that you're "not her real mom".)

All in all it should be most informative and exciting. Even Joe agrees. Which is cute. And makes me feel less nuts...cause, if Joe's on board then it's not too bad of an idea.*

-Melissa

*Unless of course it's a REALLY bad idea. But those are obvious because they could result in a visit to the hospital or jail.