Now that things are more definite, as in, they are definitely happening, people have become more curious about the specifics. I loved the questions my mom, sister, and grandfather asked. I could tell how excited they were, and eager, and ready to be a part of this.
One question we get again and again is about time. I mentioned earlier that it could take a while, here’s how the months will break down.
From the time we begin our home study (which is the weekend of April 24th) we will spend 3 to 4 months working to get “in the book.” Home Studies take at least 8-12 weeks, and we’ll simultaneously be working on our “Dear Birthmother” letter. This is more of a brochure than just a letter. It includes pictures of us, information about who we are and what we like to do, how we live, etc. Once our home study (I’ll elaborate on that another time) is finished, and our letter is approved we are “in the book” or available to be picked by a birthmother.
What happens then is that when a woman matches what we’ve identified as what we want in a birthmother/baby (based on a variety of factors including the ethnicity of the baby, health of the mother, etc) our letter will be included in a packet of letters that get sent to her. Then she can choose us. We’ll talk, and maybe make a match. It could take up to 12 months or more for a match to be made. It could always take less. I am optimistic that Joe and I have a lot going for us. We’re young, we’re a heterosexual couple, we’re educated, we have families that are big and close with one another, etc. Please don’t take that as me saying the opposites of those are undesirable, different birth mothers want different things, but I think in general that we have a lot of things in our corner that will not “rule us out” if you will. I am a little worried that our religion might turn off some women. However, I’ve read that most women making adoption plans for their children are more concerned with a couple being religiously involved and less concerned with what religion it is exactly.
Now then, once the match is made we have to wait for the baby to be born. Most women working with IAC match at around 6 months. So the average wait time after match is 3 months. In most cases we would bring the baby home from the hospital upon discharge, and we might even be present at the birth, and the following days in the hospital. When the birth mother and baby are discharged she will sign paperwork then that terminates her parental rights. She does have time to change her mind after doing this. It varies depending on the state in which the baby was born.
Then 3 to 6 months later we’ll officially finalize the adoption, change the baby’s birth certificate, etc. And that’ll be the end. Well, the end of his or her adoption story anyway. After that he or she will be ours. We will have an open adoption, meaning we will stay in contact of some sort or another with the baby’s birth parents. (I’ll elaborate on that another time as well.)
Long story short, I am optimistically anticipating a year’s wait between the beginning of the process this month, and the time we are matched and/or bring home baby. I’m crossing my fingers that it takes less time, but I’ve promised myself not to get impatient until April of 2010. Of course, even that is sooner than the average wait time, but I figure that for it to be the average some people have to come in under and some over. I just want to be in the under…and I think we have some potential to do that.
-Melissa
