Month 2
Dear Reagan,
I would have thought that after spending two months together nearly 24/7 this whole being a "mommy" thing would be less surreal. Turns out it's not. Perhaps now that I'm back at work and my life has returned to normal the massive difference that is having a child will become more of a reality.
These last two months have been like a little pause from life during which I've gotten to just focus on figuring out how to keep us both alive. You're starting to turn into a person sometimes. More often though you're still just a really loud puzzle I have to figure out. Are you hungry? In pain? Tired? Bored? It's that last question that really shows how much you've grown this past month. You actually play now; you love looking at yourself in the mirror. You smile and coo; you "talk" to everything, yourself, the owls over your swing, the fan, even me and Daddy sometimes. Every day it seems you "discover" a new noise. At first you seem surprised, and then you test it out a little before adding it to your repertoire. You bat at the sun hanging from the play mat GrandPam (or whatever we're calling her) got you. It was funny watching you begin to test the muscles in your face, making the goofiest faces as you learned how to control your muscles. Sometimes it seemed you were watching our faces and trying to imitate our expressions. The best time of day for you is the morning. After your 5-8am feeding and changing we hang out in the big bed for a while if we don't have anywhere to go. You smile and coo. It's even better when Daddy can hang out with us, too. It's been neat watching him grow with you this past month. He was afraid to hold you at all in the beginning, and was unsure and slow when changing your diaper. Now he holds you high in the air, talks with you, and changes diapers as well as anyone else in the house. You two are going to have so much fun together.
You rolled over for the first time ever on January 27th. I don't think it was on purpose, you rolled from your belly onto your back twice. I think it surprised you more than anything, and you haven't done it again since. I still bragged about it though.
I thought it would be harder to leave you to go back to work than it has been. Luckily we have your grandmothers coming down to take care of you this month, and that makes leaving you in the morning so much easier. I miss you during the day, because we have a routine that I've gotten used to, but I don't worry about you. The surprising thing is that I'm actually enjoying being at work. It certainly will make my decision regarding working next year more complicated. I just hope I get to make that decision. The bottom line I think is a pretty obvious one, and that is that you are the most important aspect of my life, and so the choice will be easy in the end.
You've had a whole host of visitors this month. Jim and Jessica Mullen visited, as did Brooke Abbitt and her soon to be husband Ryan Scutt. Your aunts, Uncle Chris, and your grandparents have all visited Charlotte as well. We also took a week long trip to Virginia. You did so well in the car. I'm not sure I can even list all the people we saw there. The Crosbys, Mirs, MacArthurs, Metzgers, Gradys...and of course all of the family including your Great Aunt Sharon. Even though we slept in 3 different places in 6 days, you were super, in my opinion anyway. My girlfriends all seem to have these perfect babies, while you cry, have taken time to get on a sleeping schedule, get gassy, have cradle cap and dry skin and a little rash, and poop your way out of diapers nearly daily. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I think you're a great baby. You're just using your limited communication capabilities to make sure we all know you're here. Plus you kick the other babies' butts when it comes to hair. We hung out with some of those hair-deprived babies this month, and some not so hair-deprived. You had a bunch of "play dates" in which we mommies shared war stories and you babies mostly slept and ate. You met Will Crosby and Blakeley Hogan. You also hung out with Lola Halm again. We also hung out with some neighbors, Holly and Leslie, and Leslie's daughter Hollis. With Leslie staying home with little Hollis I'm sure we'll see more of them.
Speaking of sleeping issues...YOU SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT LAST NIGHT! You crazy kid. It was almost exactly on your one month birthday that you finally got your days and nights properly adjusted, and now on your 2 month you go ahead and sleep through the night. Silly. You ate at 8:15 last night, and then not again until 4:15 this morning. You groused a little here and there, but you didn't wake up. I never thought it'd happen. You still fight us when you go down at night. We have about 30-60 minutes of you tiredly yelling at us about how you don't want to (yawn) sleep, that you're really not (long blink) tired. It'd be funny if it weren't so annoying. You will be asleep in my arms, but the second any part of your body touches the mattress you're yelling again. I guess we shouldn't have bought the mattress made of hot molten lava huh?
I've had to pack up nearly all of your newborn clothes. I keep asking you to stop growing, but you won't listen. Your father's child, I guess. Your official 2 month appointment isn't for another week and a half, but my unscientific estimates on the bedroom scale have you at like 12-13 pounds. I guess all of my insecurities about nursing are unfounded. Now that I'm back at work I'm really hoping I can keep up my supply so that we can pick up where we left off with nursing this summer.
I've made a lot of mistakes this month. Remember that cradle cap? Well I wanted to get rid of the flakes, and I read that petroleum jelly can do the trick...so I rubbed a big glob in your hair...turns out Vaseline doesn't really wash out of hair, everyone else in the world already seemed to know this, but not me. I thought I'd ruined you. After 2 washes, some baby oil in your hair, and a few more washes we did finally get it out. Your head was flakier than ever; must have been punishment for not leaving well enough alone. Luckily you really enjoy your baths. I've also made mistakes with those, though. The sprayer in the sink takes a second to empty whatever temperature you last had in it before spraying the temperature of the water currently coming out of the faucet. Luckily the water I sprayed your belly with was freezing cold instead of scalding hot, but certainly you were not a happy baby at that moment. I also gave you an unwelcome surprise when I dropped some books on the floor while you were nursing. You were startled and looked at me with the saddest little face. Luckily we were in the middle of a feeding and nothing quiets you right down like nursing. We also have the stupidest diaper changes known to man. No sooner will we strap a diaper on you that we hear you fill it up again. Or, worse, you'll pee or pooh before we get the next diaper on. Sometimes it just ruins the new diaper, but just as often you get us, the changing table, your clothes...everything. I think the record is 4 diapers in one changing. You are a champion diaper ruiner. If nothing else you kick other babies' butts at hair growth and perfectly inappropriately timed waste elimination.
While we were visiting Virginia Aunt Jenny, GrandPam (or whatever we're calling her), Aunt Theo, Margaret, you and I went to get pictures taken of you and your cousin. It was hilarious. You cried some, but not a terrible amount. Of course I was also nursing you every 25 minutes to keep you calm. Margaret, who is 2 right now, was a wild child and hardly held still for a minute. Once she got away from your Aunt (who is pregnant with "Scrapper") and she ran out into the mall in just her diaper. It was worth the craziness though, we got some great pictures of you. I can't wait to do it again when we're in Richmond in April.
I've had so much fun getting to know you in these last two months. I will always treasure this time we've had to bond with one another. I love you and I can't wait to continue to get to know you as you continue to grow.
Love,
Mommy
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
22 Weeks
Ultrasound pictures from 18 weeks (taken about 4 weeks ago).
Belly picture from week 21, last week.
I am really enjoying this now that I have a little more energy. I am also enjoying feeling her little bumps and rumbles. :)
I am still wearing my own pants...well, make that I can wear my own pants. I have learned that pregnant pants rock. I might never wear regular pants again.
-Melissa
Belly picture from week 21, last week.
I am really enjoying this now that I have a little more energy. I am also enjoying feeling her little bumps and rumbles. :)
I am still wearing my own pants...well, make that I can wear my own pants. I have learned that pregnant pants rock. I might never wear regular pants again.
-Melissa
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Milestones (Week 21)
Everyone said that after the first trimester I would begin to enjoy this pregnancy thing more...turns out they were right. This is not to say I'm suddenly going to begin actually listening to the excessive amounts of advice people bestow upon pregnant women, but I am glad this turned out to be true.
I loved seeing our little girl bounce around inside me during our 18 week ultrasound, and while we watched Harry Potter on July 16th I felt her kick me for the first time. That was around week 17, for those who are keeping track. I wasn't SURE that's what I was feeling, but it certainly felt different than anything I'd felt before...so I hoped. Since then I've felt that same sensation increasingly often, and am pretty convinced that's my little one in their wiggling and moving about.
Last week Joe actually felt her for the first time. This was especially cool since he'd just expressed that he felt sad I had all the fun of feeling her move and he couldn't have that experience. As we were laying there in bed waiting and hoping she'd give a big kick suddenly she did. Both our eyes popped open. "Did you feel that?" I asked. "I did!" he exclaimed. It was very very cool.
My belly is starting to almost, sorta, barely outgrow my regular pants. Most still fit, but are a little snug when I sit down, and those that were already snug are out of the question. I'm not really in need of true maternity clothes, but I'm not going to lie, those things are COMFORTABLE. So, I wear them sometimes anyway. :)
-Melissa
I loved seeing our little girl bounce around inside me during our 18 week ultrasound, and while we watched Harry Potter on July 16th I felt her kick me for the first time. That was around week 17, for those who are keeping track. I wasn't SURE that's what I was feeling, but it certainly felt different than anything I'd felt before...so I hoped. Since then I've felt that same sensation increasingly often, and am pretty convinced that's my little one in their wiggling and moving about.
Last week Joe actually felt her for the first time. This was especially cool since he'd just expressed that he felt sad I had all the fun of feeling her move and he couldn't have that experience. As we were laying there in bed waiting and hoping she'd give a big kick suddenly she did. Both our eyes popped open. "Did you feel that?" I asked. "I did!" he exclaimed. It was very very cool.
My belly is starting to almost, sorta, barely outgrow my regular pants. Most still fit, but are a little snug when I sit down, and those that were already snug are out of the question. I'm not really in need of true maternity clothes, but I'm not going to lie, those things are COMFORTABLE. So, I wear them sometimes anyway. :)
-Melissa
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
A Consolation Prize
To make up for my horrible lack of posting I have an offering.
A video of today's ultrasound, complete with the reveal of our little one's gender.
A video of today's ultrasound, complete with the reveal of our little one's gender.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Beans, spilled
Finally, finally, finally we are able to tell everyone WHY we have put off the adoption. The family has known since right about the same time we did, but we're pregnant!
As of today I am 10 weeks along. Things couldn't be going better.
I will post more later, but I just wanted to finally get this out there, in the open. Yay!
Of course, I did post it to Facebook the other day, so the world kind of already knows I guess. :)
-Melissa
As of today I am 10 weeks along. Things couldn't be going better.
I will post more later, but I just wanted to finally get this out there, in the open. Yay!
Of course, I did post it to Facebook the other day, so the world kind of already knows I guess. :)
-Melissa
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Open Vs. Not
One of the biggest eyebrow raisers among our adoption choices is the choice to have an open adoption.
Initially we were not overly interested in this particular option oursleves. It certainly seemed less complicated to just have a baby magically appear out of thin air without strings, baggage, and biological ties. From what I've read most people initially feel this way. Perhaps that's in part because of our culture and the information we've received about adoption. More often than not when you think of birthmothers I think the negative images dominate. The loudly unhappy woman who starts a website opposing adoption in all forms. The Lifetime movie about the teenager forced to give up her child who lurks behind trees and stalks the unexpecting adoptive couple.
Could these things happen, absolutely. Would we want a bitter and angry person involved in our lives, of course not.
But the truth is this, that woman (and man, assuming the birth father is involved) are a part of our adopted child's life. They just are. I think any person with a biological connection to another person (hello, everyone) knows that blood is important. Like it or not, it matters. For reasons emotional and otherwise, that connection is an important one, and a valid one, and one that won't just "go away" because we choose not to acknowledge it.
Emotionally I am glad that when our child has questions about why he or she was given up for adoption, we'll know the answer. Because we'll know his/her birthmother we'll know what her situation was. Who she was, how old, and why she felt that adoption was the best choice for her child. And, hopefully, we'll have an ongoing relationship with her that allows us either in person, by phone, by letter or email to let her tell the child these things herself. There's no worry that she'll be built up into some amazing "BIRTHMOTHER" that is better than us, or preferable to us, because she'll be human, just like us, and our child will see that.
On a more practical level, we'll be able to have access to our child's medical background. And those change...so when our son or daughter's birthgrandparent develops heart disease, we can be told, and our child will have as complete a medical history as possible.
Will it be complicated? Yes. But, hell, life's complicated. And the second you think it's not, that you've got it figured out, that's when the lightning bolt comes out of the sky to remind you otherwise (hello, experience speaking...). And the fact is, adoption is complicated anyway. Birth parents, real parents, biological parents, first parents, adoptive parents, mom, dad....there's a lot happening there. There are a lot of emotions involved. Fear, love, excitement, anxiety, eagerness, dread. Everyone involved has layers of things to "deal" with.
I almost feel like having an "open" adoption is a little akin to just being "open" in general. Instead of keeping things quiet, or putting them away, they're out there. They exist. They ARE. That's a lot more in line with my personality than secrets and closeted skeletons. So why not just face these things. Will it always be an easy road, of course not...but since when was parenting easy anyway? Will I want to eat these optimistic and rosey-glassed words later, no doubt...but when have non-parents not said stupid things that just display their ametuer perspectives? :)
For those wanting more perspecitive, here are some websites I have found insitghtful:
The agency's information on open adoption: http://www.adoptionhelp.org/open_adoption/
This one talks more to birth mothers, but gives a good perspective and helps me understand her expectations: http://www.openadoption.org/bbetzen/parent.htm#parent
Of course a simple google search will provide plenty of other informational site, testimonials, and other resources.
-Melissa
Initially we were not overly interested in this particular option oursleves. It certainly seemed less complicated to just have a baby magically appear out of thin air without strings, baggage, and biological ties. From what I've read most people initially feel this way. Perhaps that's in part because of our culture and the information we've received about adoption. More often than not when you think of birthmothers I think the negative images dominate. The loudly unhappy woman who starts a website opposing adoption in all forms. The Lifetime movie about the teenager forced to give up her child who lurks behind trees and stalks the unexpecting adoptive couple.
Could these things happen, absolutely. Would we want a bitter and angry person involved in our lives, of course not.
But the truth is this, that woman (and man, assuming the birth father is involved) are a part of our adopted child's life. They just are. I think any person with a biological connection to another person (hello, everyone) knows that blood is important. Like it or not, it matters. For reasons emotional and otherwise, that connection is an important one, and a valid one, and one that won't just "go away" because we choose not to acknowledge it.
Emotionally I am glad that when our child has questions about why he or she was given up for adoption, we'll know the answer. Because we'll know his/her birthmother we'll know what her situation was. Who she was, how old, and why she felt that adoption was the best choice for her child. And, hopefully, we'll have an ongoing relationship with her that allows us either in person, by phone, by letter or email to let her tell the child these things herself. There's no worry that she'll be built up into some amazing "BIRTHMOTHER" that is better than us, or preferable to us, because she'll be human, just like us, and our child will see that.
On a more practical level, we'll be able to have access to our child's medical background. And those change...so when our son or daughter's birthgrandparent develops heart disease, we can be told, and our child will have as complete a medical history as possible.
Will it be complicated? Yes. But, hell, life's complicated. And the second you think it's not, that you've got it figured out, that's when the lightning bolt comes out of the sky to remind you otherwise (hello, experience speaking...). And the fact is, adoption is complicated anyway. Birth parents, real parents, biological parents, first parents, adoptive parents, mom, dad....there's a lot happening there. There are a lot of emotions involved. Fear, love, excitement, anxiety, eagerness, dread. Everyone involved has layers of things to "deal" with.
I almost feel like having an "open" adoption is a little akin to just being "open" in general. Instead of keeping things quiet, or putting them away, they're out there. They exist. They ARE. That's a lot more in line with my personality than secrets and closeted skeletons. So why not just face these things. Will it always be an easy road, of course not...but since when was parenting easy anyway? Will I want to eat these optimistic and rosey-glassed words later, no doubt...but when have non-parents not said stupid things that just display their ametuer perspectives? :)
For those wanting more perspecitive, here are some websites I have found insitghtful:
The agency's information on open adoption: http://www.adoptionhelp.org/open_adoption/
This one talks more to birth mothers, but gives a good perspective and helps me understand her expectations: http://www.openadoption.org/bbetzen/parent.htm#parent
Of course a simple google search will provide plenty of other informational site, testimonials, and other resources.
-Melissa
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
A non-update about the lack of updating...
I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update here. I could give you some excuses...but who needs those?
The long and short of it is this...Joe and I are putting the adoption on hold for a while. Everything is OK, but things have gotten a little crazy around here lately. I'll elaborate more when they work themselves out some.
I will continue to update here regarding our adoption choices in order to elaborate on some of the aspects of it (like choosing an open adoption, or domestic, etc), but the updates will be less frequent (ha! since they were so speedy anyway?) and won't be "real-time" updates of our progess, since, obviously, there won't be any.
Thanks again for everyone's support. I'm sorry to put such an abrupt stop to things....and everything is OK, so don't worry or anything, and I'll update you on what's going on just as soon as I can.
-Melissa
The long and short of it is this...Joe and I are putting the adoption on hold for a while. Everything is OK, but things have gotten a little crazy around here lately. I'll elaborate more when they work themselves out some.
I will continue to update here regarding our adoption choices in order to elaborate on some of the aspects of it (like choosing an open adoption, or domestic, etc), but the updates will be less frequent (ha! since they were so speedy anyway?) and won't be "real-time" updates of our progess, since, obviously, there won't be any.
Thanks again for everyone's support. I'm sorry to put such an abrupt stop to things....and everything is OK, so don't worry or anything, and I'll update you on what's going on just as soon as I can.
-Melissa
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